"A Grumpy Bus Driver in Bristol"

For the people who are kind enough to read my nonsense this is just a quick message to say I am so far behind with my blogging I make Obahmas health bill seem express. I have the final part of our golf tour to complete and my work for the Eden Club Founders Tournament to complete. At this moment in time I am working on film shoots that are taking place throughout Scotland. For those of you that think the film business is glamorous believe me it is not !
Yes I get to meet famous people but believe me these guys earn their dosh, a minimum of 12 hour days, no breaks and crap surroundings. On the plus side you get well fed and watered. Next time you watch an actor on TV saying his/her job is really very boring, take it from me it is.
Anyway the purpose of this little note is to show the variety of work I do in the winter to make the world go round, as in pay one's bills. The film work has come courtesy of Jim Gaw who owns`a company called Courtney Travel, next summer we will be using his transport to carry you around.
Last winter I took an agency driving job in Bristol driving a bus, it was horrendous, the drivers in the south of England are the most stupid people I have ever had the misfortune to meet. After a bad day at work I wrote the following letter to the local paper, needless to say they did not print it and to be fair I don't blame them, but it was my rant and I felt better for getting it off my chest. So here we go;
"Why is your Bus Driver so Grumpy Bristol ? "
"Everyday you wait on your bus whether your going to work, from work, to town or visiting friends, relatives etc. Whatever the reason the bus when it arrives, usually late, you are greeted with the face of a grumpy bus driver. Not always but more often than not ! Have you ever considered what could make this public servant such a miserable person ? Well I will tell you.
I work for an agency that supplies bus drivers nationwide. We are sent all over the U.K. wherever there is a shortage of local drivers. For the last year I have driven for First Bus in Bristol and it now appears that they have recruited enough local drivers to meet their demand, so our contract is coming to an end. We as agency drivers have been in Bristol for the last three years, many have come and gone. A lot of them haven’t stayed the course and I can’t blame them for going home.
We are lured away from home with promises of good wages and a place to stay at a reasonable cost. The truth of the matter is you don’t always get paid what you are promised, you stay in miserable houses with complete strangers who you have never met before. Should you manage to find a decent place of your own the agency still deducts rent money from your pay for a house you don’t ever stay in ! There are drivers who live in Bristol, work for the agency yet still pay rent for houses they have never lived in, apparently that is legal !!! The agency keep back a portion of your salary should you be deemed guilty of any alleged misdemeanour. This could be anything from being too ill to go to work, an inability to complete a shift, involved in an accident, or whatever the agency deems fit to be described as a misdemeanour.
However I digress from the real reason for the glum face you often encounter driving your bus. Whether you are an agency driver away from home, or a local First Bus driver, or a driver for any of the other bus companies, the reason for our misery is the lunatics that drive their cars around Bristol ! Never in my life have I come across such incompetence, arrogance, stupidity and downright dangerous. The people I have met on my travels on the bus, 95% are good company and very polite. So what happens when you get in your cars ?
Let me explain in the simplest of terms so there can be no misunderstandings here. Buses often weigh over ten tonnes, they are approximately 33 to 35 feet long. We can be carrying up to 76 people when full, that is a lot of lives to be responsible for and to try to get to their destination safely. We drive within the speed limit because we can’t really go any faster. But here is the crux of the matter, we have to leave enough space in front of us to be able to stop safely that is why there is nearly always a reasonable gap between us and the car in front, so we don’t crush the car in front when we try to stop !
So tell me drivers of Bristol why is it so important that you have squeeze in to that space and risk getting killed. Why during a nine hour shift do I have to spend eight and a half hours doing my up most not to crush the car in front. Where are you going that is so important that it is worth dying for, or serious injury ? Is there some mysterious terminal illness you catch if you don’t get in front of the bus ? You perform the crazy manoeuvre whenever you see the bus. When the bus is at a bus stop is it so imperative that you have to risk life and limb to get passed it before it pulls out ? You dive into the oncoming traffic regardless of risk to all rather than be stuck behind the bus. You pull out of junctions when you see the bus coming down the road. You will do whatever you have to rather than be behind the bus.
Well let me tell you Bristol’s drivers I have driven all over the U.K. and you are categorically the worst drivers I have met. I don’t say this to annoy you, because apparently I can do that well enough just by driving the bus on your roads. I say this for your safety. Sooner or later someone is going to get seriously hurt, maimed or even die because of your unreasonable behaviour. Yet of course you will blame the bus driver, you know the one you tried to force your way passed. The one you refused to let out because your important life is so busy you don’t have the time to get behind the bus.
Before you get all upset and start ranting and raving about bus drivers who force their way out, block up roads, and generally are a nuisance to you the car driver, let me explain why we have to take this action.
It appears that the normal rules of the road don’t apply to the drivers of Bristol. For example, when did a bus stop become a convenient free parking space ? That is why the bus has stopped in the middle of the road because you have left your car at the bus stop while you complete your very important business. Meanwhile the road has blocked up and there is a queue of angry drivers behind the bus. Still it’s not important after all you were only there five minutes.
Since when did double yellow lines mean park when and where you want ? Think about it next time you abandon your car on Gloucester Road come back and find a traffic jam because the bus can’t get passed. But don’t concern yourself too much because the people in the traffic jam will blame the bus driver, and after all you were only five minutes! Over the last month I have actually seen traffic wardens for the first time since I have been here so there is some hope on the horizon.
When you approach a roundabout I was always led to believe that the left hand lane was for turning left, guess what I was wrong ! Apparently in Bristol the car in the right hand lane doesn’t have to go right or even straight on, no you put your foot down and dive to the left in front of the bus. That one took a bit of learning but I’m ready for it now.
So who is the worst culprit ? Well there is no real statistical evidence only what I see day in day out. I now realise that BMW drivers have the right to do whatever they want, whenever they want with no blame attached to their actions, regardless of consequences. I smile when I see their behaviour often because Freud springs to mind, big car etc. Still with modern surgery as it is the penile problems can be fixed !
White van man, well actually nearly all vans regardless of colour. You all know the one I mean, shaven head because he is not really bald, beer belly but he still looks good with his shirt outside his trousers. Normally has a tattoo, a lot of them have it round their neck but they have never read what it says because every time they look in the mirror the tattoo is back to front. You see them driving along and nothing will get in their way. You will see them coming, angry grimace, eyes popping out like racing dogs testicles, and you sometimes see the veins sticking out on the neck, depending on the tattoo of course. Sorry but sometimes I have to use your road.
But here is the one that drives me to despair. I’m driving along and leave enough space to stop safely and it happens again a car dives into the space and slams its brakes causing the bus driver to slam his/her brakes on, another accident avoided thankfully. Then you look up and see the sign in the back of the car,’ baby on board ‘ or ‘little princess on board’. Then I get really angry because how stupid and irresponsible are you ? You a parent and do you really believe that a sign is going to save your children’s life, when the idiot parent drives like a lunatic ? Well do you stupid ?
Believe it or not I’ve enjoyed my time in Bristol but it has now come to an end. I’ve meet some great people on my bus but then I’ve never seen them drive. Yes I do smile on my way round, well most of the time and the passengers seem to appreciate it. Perhaps you drivers should try smiling once in a while instead of spending your day getting angry with each other and trying to force yourselves into a space you don’t really fit. Once a day someone will let me out into the road and I will be grateful as it will help me keep on time safely. Every time someone does this it gives me hope, then along comes the next car and we are all back where we started. It’s only a couple of seconds people but it would make a world of difference and who knows your bus driver may even smile, well not all of them.
Try it please before you kill someone."

Not that I would say " I told you so " !
Daily Mirror Monday 23rd November 2009.
"Bristol is Britain's car crash capitol - with more than a third of residents having had at least one prang in the last year, a poll found.
Swansea came second in the survey, ahead of Belfast, Coventry and Brighton."

Told You So !!!!!